


The Annoyance Bowl Part 1

by talitha_koum2c479



Category: New Girl
Genre: Annoyance bowl, Douchebag bowl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:42:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25980781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talitha_koum2c479/pseuds/talitha_koum2c479
Summary: The origin story of the Annoyance Bowl, the plastic green bowl with pink sticky notes bestowed upon Jess after she proved to be, well, a little too annoying.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	The Annoyance Bowl Part 1

The Annoyance Bowl sat next to the Douchebag jar, it's pink sticky notes sharply contrasted against the bright green plastic. It had been a necessary addition to the Loft's living quarters after the roommates had realized just how damn annoying Jess could get.

Of course, they all loved Jess. The Annoyance Bowl (and the Douchebag Jar, for that matter) were not indicative of their dislike or apathy for either Jess or Schmidt. Rather, it was a last ditch effort to motivate even the smallest changes in their behaviors.

The Annoyance Bowl had been created when Jess had woken them all up at 2am to the sound of wooden spoons being loudly clashed against metal pots and pans in the kitchen. She was mildly drunk and singing to herself _I've been working on the raaaaail rooooad!)_ , twirling around the kitchen at a dizzying speed. Several of their neighbors complained that night and throughout the following day--not to mention the residents of the Loft themselves, who had to spend the next hour putting a stop to the madness, calming Jess down, and convincing her to "Go the fuck to sleep, woman!" (Schmidt's words in a fit of frustration.)

A few hours after what became known as The Singing Railroad Incident, the Loft members had been called together by Nick, of all people, to discuss the consequences of Jess' extremely annoying and frankly outrageous behavior. Two long, tedious hours later, during which the Loft residents hosted a debate, found themselves distracted by no less than five unrelated tangents, and had spent so much time shouting at each other all their voices were hoarse, they had come to an agreement: The Annoyance Bowl.

_It had been Schmidt's idea, in fact. When the meeting was nearing their second hour, he had stomped into his room, gotten a stack of sticky notes, and returned to the kitchen. After rummaging through the kitchen, he pulled out a worn and scratched up bowl, slapped the sticky notes on it, and placed it next to the Douchebag Jar._

_"I couldn't find a jar," he said defensively after flopping down on the sofa, glaring at his roommates and daring them to argue. He turned the bowl so that the rest of the Loft residents could see the words scrawled in black marker across two sticky notes._

_Winston shrugged. "Works for me."_

_Jess had positively squealed with delight at having her own version of the Douchebag Jar and started doing a celebratory dance, to which all three of her roommates said, "Bowl!"_

_She pulled out a dollar from somewhere in her dress (the men hesitated to imagine where) and placed it in the bowl. Despite the infraction, the excited grin remained, and she had skipped to her room. She at least had the courtesy of shutting the door behind her before she continued her celebrations with a loud, shrill dance party._

And so, the Annoyance Bowl was born. Whenever Jess became overly annoying, she owed her roommates money in the jar.

___________________________

"...please, please, please, please, please, please--"

"NO! Bowl, Jess! Bowl!" Winston finally yelled. "For the last time, I will not get matching tattoos with you. You know how I feel about needles."

___________________________

"Let it go, Let it gooooo, can't hold it back anymooooore!" Jess sang, slowly weaving her way around the apartment. "Let it go, Let it gooo, Turn away and--"

"Shut the hell up, Jess! How can you sing that on repeat for," Nick glanced at his watch. "Good Lord, has it been an entire hour already? Bowl!"

___________________________

"Hey! Put your shoes next to the front door!"

"Did you just use your teacher's voice on me?" Nick asked, a knowing grin on his face.

"Uh..." Jess winced.

"Bowl! You know using your teacher's voice is an automatic Bowl infraction!" Schmidt called from the kitchen.

"But Schmidt!" Jess whined, dropping a dollar in the bowl.

___________________________

Jess was stretched out on the couch, several empty bowls with melted ice cream, a bottle of pink wine with a straw, and a soft blanket bunched up under her head. Her eyes were red, with smeared makeup trailing her cheeks. She was singing (read: sobbing) along to "Stay" on _Dirty Dancing_. This was, from what Winston, Nick, and Schmidt could gather, at least 28th time she had watched the film in the last 5 days.

"I know it's getting annoying," Schmidt whispered. "But she just broke up with her boyfriend. Can we really make her pay up for this?"

"Yes!" Winston said. "I can't get "I've Had the Time of My Life" out of my head, no matter how much I try! I've been miserable the last couple days. This has to stop!"

"I don't know, guys," Nick said. "She's really hurting. That Caleb really messed her up this time."

"Caleb," Schmidt scoffed. "I knew he was trouble the moment I laid my eyes on that skinny, pale snake of a man, with his dry skin and forked tongue. Our Jess deserves so much better."

"Yeah, he was a dick," Winston agreed. "That doesn't mean THIS," he gestured wildly to the chaos seen in the living space. "doesn't warrant a Bowl infraction. She's been like this for almost an entire week now. Doesn't she have work or something?"

"It's summer break, Winston," Nick said. "And forget about that damn bowl! She needs help, not a monetary fine because she's feeling _emotions_."

"Fine," Winston muttered. "But this better be the last time we watch Baby fall in love with Johnny, or I swear..."

___________________________

"Beep!" Jess said, poking Nick in the nose. He had fallen asleep on the couch immediately after coming home from a long shift at the bar, and Jess had clearly decided he had slept enough.

"Beep!" she said again, poking him in the face with each repetition. "Beep, beep, beeeep!"

Nick smacked her hand away from his face. "What the hell, Jess? I'm trying to sleep here! Bowl!" he rolled so he was facing the back of the couch and pulled a cushion over his head.

___________________________

Over time, the Annoyance Bowl filled up as much as the Douchebag Jar did. Soon, the residents called another Loft meeting, this time to discuss the newfound riches that had been securely stored in both the Annoyance Bowl and the Douchebag Jar.

“Which do you think has more money?” Winston asked, studying both the jar and the bowl where they sat on the coffee table in front of them.

“Well, Schmidt tends to pay higher fines, but Jess pays fines more frequently. It could be anyone’s game,” Nick said.

“Anyone care for a bet?” Jess asked, a shit-eating grin on her face. The men had learned that Jess had a secret gambling problem at some point in the last few years she had been living with them. “I bet I have more money than Schmidt.”

“You’re on,” Schmidt said, putting out his hand. “If I win, you have to add $100 to the jar.”

“And when I win,” Jess said. “You have to do the same.”

“Oooh, Jess coming in confident!” Winston laughed.

Winston and Nick both took a container and started counting the money. Jess and Schmidt shifted excitedly in their seats, awaiting the results.

“Alright, I think I got it,” Nick, who was adding up the money in the Annoyance Bowl. “Winston, you ready?”

“One moment,” Winston said, piling a couple more bills on his stack and mentally adding it up. “Ok, I’m ready. Who wants to go first?”

“Just go already, the suspense is killing me!” Jess exclaimed.

“Alright everyone, I’ll start,” Winston said. “In the last four months, The Douchebag Jar has collected a total of… drumroll, please…” the rest of the Loft residents slapped their hands against the coffee table. “$976!”

“Wow, Schmidt, that’s like, an average of maybe 8 or 9 dollars a day. Impressive!” Jess said.

“Nerd,” Nick muttered under his breath. “And now, for the Annoyance Bowl! In the last four months, the Annoyance Bowl has collected a grand total of…”

**Author's Note:**

> This actually is cannon, I discovered it on one of my Internet rabbit trails this last summer. Feel free to comment/review, I'll post the second part to this story sometime soon!


End file.
